Brother’s gaslighting and a false email cost me my promotion

Dear Abby,

I’m a 34-year-old woman who recently lost a major promotion at work. A week before the decision, my boss received an anonymous email claiming I had a history of mental instability and that I’d been “unravelling” since our mother’s death three years ago. The tone was clinical, the details eerily specific—things only a family member would know.

I confronted my older brother, Marcus, at a family dinner. He denied everything, looked me in the eye, and said I was imagining things. “You’ve always been paranoid, Elena. Maybe you need help.” That’s his go-to move: deny, deflect, and paint me as the unstable one.

Then he went further. He started whispering to our mutual friends that I’ve been “not right” since Mum died. One of those friends, Priya, came to me worried. She loves Marcus but she’s not blind. She started digging.

Priya found old letters our mother wrote to a therapist in the months before she passed. In them, Mum describes her final words to me—exactly as I remember them. She wrote that she was proud of me, that she trusted me to look after the family. Marcus has always claimed she was too sick to speak clearly at the end. The letters prove he’s wrong.

But there’s more. Priya also discovered that Marcus—not our father—had an affair with Dad’s business partner years ago. That’s the “family secret” he’s been threatening to use against anyone who crosses him. He was never trying to hurt me; he was aiming at our younger sister, who’s about to run for local office. I was just collateral damage.

Now Marcus is claiming Priya forged the letters, and that I put her up to it. He’s trying to gaslight my own best friend.

I have the originals. I’ve shown them to the family and our friend group. Everyone now knows the truth. But my relationship with Marcus is over. He’s a liar and a saboteur, and I will never trust him again.

My question is this: How do I move forward when the person who hurt me most is my own brother, and everyone keeps telling me to “let it go for the sake of the family”?

Sincerely,
Promotion Lost, Trust Shattered